True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
