i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
