Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
