Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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