I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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