Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
