so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
