i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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