??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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