he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
