After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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