and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
