So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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