trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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