My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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