I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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