Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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