just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
