But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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