shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
