I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
