I just pynch a tree in the face
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
