Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i think my cat just said my name.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
