so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
