i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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