Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
