no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
