i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
