just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sober January is a disaster.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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