Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
