I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
