how can u be prego again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
