I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
