I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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