Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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