He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
