I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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