Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
