As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
