Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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