so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
how does that bad decision feel?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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