your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You left your phone here
Wait...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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