Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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