hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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