in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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