Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
