when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
