are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
