Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
