normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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